Still Quirky

Ah yes, still here, still quirky. I did this meme a few weeks ago, but I got tagged again by New Diva. And because I heart her I'm giving you a few more of my quirks and habits.

• When I cook, I like theme music. Mexican? How about some Gypsy Kings. Italian? Has to be Mob Hits.
• On the rare occasions when I forget to put on earrings I feel naked all day.
• I have never gotten a ticket for rolling a stop sign. I’m not sure I EVER come to a complete stop.
• When a cheese course is listed on the dessert menu? I swoon.
• I do not like the "new car" smell. At all.
• I never hit "snooze". Ever. I get the fuck up already.

If you are so inclined, consider yourself tagged.

Friday Funny

Scene: Kitchen, 7:13 this morning. Yes people, that’s right, 7:13 AM! Candle called “Amish Cookie” burning on the counter because the kitchen still smells has a lingering aroma from dinner last night. The same candle I had burning last night for the same reason.

The Saint: smiling, and not looking at all in fear for his life: “You really through me for a loop last night.”

Me: glaring, daring him to continue speaking DIRECTLY TO ME (Note time of day)

The Saint: still smiling, WTF?: “When I got back from walking the dog last night I thought maybe you baked some cookies. Or even a strawberry cake.”

Me: slowly making mental connection- me?– baking? – cookies? – scented candle! “BWAHAAHAAAHAAHAA!”

Me: wiping my eyes, gasping for air: “Strawberry CAKE?” “BWAHAAHAAHAA!”

Why yes, you may congratulate me!

I'm an Aunt again!! Twice!! Sib #5 and his wife are the proud parents of twin boys. They couldn't stop her labor, and one of the boys was breach, so she had a c-section yesterday afternoon. Everyone is doing well.

The babies were six weeks early and are in the NICU. They are small; B. at five pounds and S. at four pounds thirteen ounces. They are receiving oxygen, however they did not have to be intubated. All of this is very good news as my SIL has been on full bed rest due to premature labor since early December.

So if you see a crazy lady walking around beaming and humming softly under her breathe? It might be me!

I'm not the crafty type

I'm going to be out-of-pocket next week when Valentine's Day rolls around. So as we speak a package of goodies is on its way to the Precious Oldest at Princeton on the Prairie.

Nothing say love like a box wrapped in brown paper.

Fat Tuesday

“So, what are you giving up for Lent?” is right up there with “So, what’s your New Year’s Resolution?” in my book. A nosy and presumptuous question. Yet, “None of your damn beeswax” hardly seems an appropriate response given that we’re entering the Lenten season. (My favorite response is: “I’m not sure, minding my own business was my New Year’s resolution and it’s taking up all of my time.”)

Now some casual observers might suggest that I give up cussing like a motherfuckingsailor swearing; but that my friends, is just not possible. I will, however, observe the Catholic traditions and teachings of Lent. Acts of penitence and abstinence are things I will do willingly. I will go to Mass tomorrow and have the sign of the cross marked on my forehead with ashes. I won’t eat meat on Ash Wednesday or on Fridays during Lent. I’ll fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

On days when I crave a coffee or a bag of chips, I’ll stop and put the money I would have spent into the alms can. The same with the change that finds its way daily into my pockets. I won’t listen to the radio in the car (drives my family INSANE!) and use the time to pray. (I am not a perfect person, I need the help.) And I SWEAR I will try my best not to snap at anyone before eight in the morning.

I hope to emerge on Easter with a lighter heart, a clean spirit.

Inertia

"A body in motion tends to remain in motion, a body at rest tends to remain at rest."
Sir Isaac Newton

So it seems unless some powerful external force shows up pretty quick like, I'm not going to be getting much done. I spent the better part of the weekend moaning about all the "stuff” I had to do; and then NOT doing it. It was not a conscious decision so much as an inability to make my ass leave the couch.

I DID manage to go to the bookstore. Thanks to your many wonderful suggestions, I’ll be spending some quality time getting to know a few new people.

A letter to my Uterus

Editor’s Note: I don’t think I have any many man type readers. I don’t generally write about the kinds of things that would interest them. I do however have some stalkers lurkers who may in fact have a penis. So if you are of the male persuasion, in the name of all that is holy, STOP READING NOW.

Dear Uterus,

I am well and truly OVER YOU. If I were any good at math I would tell you the number of times over the past thirty one years and five months that we have played out this little drama. But I’m not, so I can’t. Suffice it to say we’ve been there, done this.

I refuse to be held hostage in my house on day three. I refuse to go to sleep using two tampons, a maxi pad, and lying on a bath towel. Only to awaken at 2 AM in the middle of a goddamn crime scene. I say ENOUGH!

There were some good times. I will give you due and proper credit for the months you cradled my babies in your loving embrace. Even for those babies who left you too soon, I acknowledge it was never your fault. For that I say "Thank you".

Those heroic deeds are in fact why, when we were at this same crossroads four years ago, I did NOT have you obliterated by hysterectomy and instead chose Endometrial Ablation.

And how do you repay me? By regenerating your fucking lining? Are you kidding me? I expect this kind of behavior from my liver. (Expect it? Hell, I APPLAUD it.) But to you I say “Oh HELL no!”

In light of your recent antics I must respectfully request that you cease and desist with the sanguination and fist sized clots. If you do not, I will have no choice but to make an appointment with Dr. C. to have your permanent residence changed from my abdominal cavity to a bin marked Medical Waste.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best regards,

Fannie