Resolutions, part 2

If you love New Year's resolutions STOP READING.

If you made a New Year's Resolution to lose weight and exercise STOP READING.



















Seriously, are you still here?

















No? Good. OK let me begin by saying my gym (which I've gone to for almost twenty years) has a particular rhythm. On Mondays and Tuesdays attendance is decent, classes are full. Wednesdays are insane. People who didn't get into spin are bitching and moaning, I have to say a prayer the cardio machine I want is open, general mayhem occurs on the basketball court. At 6 o'clock in the fucking morning dudes! Thursday? I don't know what the deal is. It's near deserted. Weird right? Because Friday? Is back to Monday and Tuesday levels.

These days I go to the gym before the crack of dawn, but back when I was living the life of Riley as a kept woman and would hit the doors at 8 a.m.? Same deal. Same week day rhythm.

I told you all that to emphasis this: THE RESOLUTION PEOPLE ARE SCREWING WITH THE DAMN RHYTHM! It happens every year. Without fail. Not on January 1st. Not necessarily January 2nd. No, the first Monday after New Year's Day. (It's like trying to figure out when Easter is; you know the whole firstSundayafterthefirstfull moonafterthespringequinox, but less complicated.) Oh my holy god! Going the wrong way on the track. Dropping barbells. Failing to yield between sets on the weight machines. And USING MY PIECE OF CARDIO EQUIPMENT. The one I hop on and he just knows where to set things. I don't have to push his buttons. He reads my mind, I swear. Just the right amount of time, the correct level of difficulty. (Even when I'm a teensy bit hung over I have a headache and he has to take it easy on me.)

So for the next month or so it's going to be a crap shoot every morning as to whether or not I'll get through my work out without being annoyed to the point of contemplating murdercommitting bodily assault. (And remember, I am not a "morning person".)

It is not that I don't applaud the effort. I'm all for staying in shape, keeping stress in check, and being healthy. But I can tell you with 99.9% accuracy that only one in twenty of these folks are going to be here in a month. I've witnessed the phenomenon for a very long time. But it does make me wonder. If I WERE a morning person and not a bitch? Would they keep coming back?