Happy 2011

Sort of fell off the map there didn't I? Not to worry, all is well. I just got very immersed in family and well..there you have it.

For the first time since I started working I had a few vacation days saved up to use in and around the holidays. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed having a few extra days at home!

We had a lovely Christmas with our daughters and family.

We also had a birthday. Christmas was forever changed for us in 1988 with the arrival of Precious Oldest. She turned twenty two this Christmas. TWENTY TWO! We’ve ended up with a smart, funny, kind kid who embarks on her student teaching TOMORROW. How did this happen?

We traveled south to visit the Saint's folks the day after Christmas as his father was not up to the trip to come to us.

New Year’s Eve was terribly relaxing filled with friends, family and featured me staying in my PJs until 4:30!

New Year’s Day we went to see “The King’s Speech”. I can’t say enough about this movie – if you haven’t already done so GO SEE IT NOW!

I am off and running on my 2011 New Year’s Resolution.

What have you all been up to?

In which I revisit my New Years resolution

Aside from:

A. The poor photography, which I did myself

AND

B. The clear need for Botox injections

What do you think?



I'm still having a little trouble adjusting. Because the lenses are progressives my peripheral vision seems blurry. The Saint assures me it will sort itself out in a weeks time, but that sounds kinda long to me.

Consider me awesome

Yesterday, just one week into the new year, I fulfilled my New Years Resolution. This is why it is important to pick CONCRETE resolutions people. The beauty lies in the one shot dealio.

Let me begin by saying why in the name of all that is holy does the eye doctor dude need as much medical/personal history as my gynecologist? How much I exercise is going to effect my eye sight how exactly? Can I drink myself blind? And what do you care what I'm taking to keep the crazy at bay?

Any way, there was a lot of baseline this and baseline that. Many, MANY pictures of my eye balls. Loads of, "What is the smallest line you can read?". Then some godforsaken pokey thing to check for glaucoma. (I was told that in the OLDEN day they used to numb your eye balls and poke them with pins! Or shoot puffs of air at them! Gah!)

So no glaucoma, retinal detachment, macular degeneration, blah, blah, blah. And eye doctor dude said I could just keep using my drug store reading glasses. BUT, I decided to get glasses for the office. A progressive lens with nothing on the top, a "middle distance correction" for the computer and a "near distance correction" for reading towards the bottom. This should eliminate me taking my cheaters on and off about a bazillion times a day, as well as my tendency to peer over the tops of said cheaters during meetings.

I anticipate these will take some getting used to. If anyone has trudged down this road before me, please advise. I? Will be resting on the laurels of the 100% success of my 2009 resolution!

Happy New Year

I have two important, auspicious announcements to make so listen up:

1. I am making a New Years resolution.
   Shut up, I am! I have never seen an eye doctor; the only eye exams I've had have been done at the DMV. So in 2009 I resolve to make an appointment to have an honest to God eye exam, performed by a real doctor! I'm telling you now, the Saint is going to faint when he finds out! He's been pestering me to do this for YEARS!
   
   
2. The New Year can kiss my ass.
   No one wants to see an add for this pop up in their in-box.
   
   
   
   Why Fannie, you're thinking to yourself, that's not SUCH a bad nightgown. Well that's because you have not yet read the description:
   
   
   Hot Flash V-Neck Sleepshirt
   "Better Sleeping Through Science
   Busy days call for restful nights, and Hot Flash Sleepwear helps you get your just desserts. An advanced process, which blends moisture-wicking polyester with silky bamboo-based rayon, builds-in patented Heat Release Technology to move moisture out and away from your body almost instantly."
   
   And that's not all. Evidently there is an entire line of sleepwear designed for women just.like.me. But is this what I need to find out at the dawn of the New Year? I think not. Sheesh, a girl could get a complex!

In any event, Happy New Year to you and yours. May 2009 bring you joy, peace, happiness and a sweat free nights sleep!

Reflections on 2008

Here is what I learned in 2008. (This is good stuff people. Please feel free to copy all of this down for future reference. )

1. The six pounds you "suddenly" gained this year? Are not a hormonal imbalance, or an out of whack thyroid condition, or that bitch perimenopause. (Aside: WTF blogger, you still don't have perimenopause in spell check?) It's because you polish off a bottle of wine every night. By yourself. Stop it. Those pounds will melt off - MELT OFF I tell you!
   
   
2. Enjoy your Christmas vacation with your kids. Revel in the lack of homework, the sleeping in, the dearth of activities and practices. Rejoice that you can schedule what you want, when you want. Some day you might have an office job that forces you to work while it seems the rest of the world is playing.
   
   
3. Do not scoff at the idea of lip liner OR Spanx. After a certain age, no matter HOW carefully you have taken care of yourself low these many years, shit starts to wrinkle and sag. Enough said.
   
   
4. Teenagers can be awesome. I know right? But they can and they are. They hug you hard when you come home from work, they help you cook dinner, they go grocery shopping with you, they make you laugh, they make you cry, they let you play Wii even though you suck and don't laugh at you. They are awesome. (But keep that to yourself, you don't want them to get big heads and quit doing shit for you.)
   
   
5. OK, this one is going to get me in a lot of trouble. In fact, I'm going to whisper this - some of you need to chill. Seriously. I do absolutely nothing special here and yet...readers..commenters..NEW readers...people "following" me (or so my dashboard tells me, I don't know what it means). Oh not many readers by some standards I realize, but still. Just do your thing and let the chips fall where they may. I'm just sayin'.

Now go out there and enjoy yourselves tonight - See you next year!

Resolutions, part 2

If you love New Year's resolutions STOP READING.

If you made a New Year's Resolution to lose weight and exercise STOP READING.



















Seriously, are you still here?

















No? Good. OK let me begin by saying my gym (which I've gone to for almost twenty years) has a particular rhythm. On Mondays and Tuesdays attendance is decent, classes are full. Wednesdays are insane. People who didn't get into spin are bitching and moaning, I have to say a prayer the cardio machine I want is open, general mayhem occurs on the basketball court. At 6 o'clock in the fucking morning dudes! Thursday? I don't know what the deal is. It's near deserted. Weird right? Because Friday? Is back to Monday and Tuesday levels.

These days I go to the gym before the crack of dawn, but back when I was living the life of Riley as a kept woman and would hit the doors at 8 a.m.? Same deal. Same week day rhythm.

I told you all that to emphasis this: THE RESOLUTION PEOPLE ARE SCREWING WITH THE DAMN RHYTHM! It happens every year. Without fail. Not on January 1st. Not necessarily January 2nd. No, the first Monday after New Year's Day. (It's like trying to figure out when Easter is; you know the whole firstSundayafterthefirstfull moonafterthespringequinox, but less complicated.) Oh my holy god! Going the wrong way on the track. Dropping barbells. Failing to yield between sets on the weight machines. And USING MY PIECE OF CARDIO EQUIPMENT. The one I hop on and he just knows where to set things. I don't have to push his buttons. He reads my mind, I swear. Just the right amount of time, the correct level of difficulty. (Even when I'm a teensy bit hung over I have a headache and he has to take it easy on me.)

So for the next month or so it's going to be a crap shoot every morning as to whether or not I'll get through my work out without being annoyed to the point of contemplating murdercommitting bodily assault. (And remember, I am not a "morning person".)

It is not that I don't applaud the effort. I'm all for staying in shape, keeping stress in check, and being healthy. But I can tell you with 99.9% accuracy that only one in twenty of these folks are going to be here in a month. I've witnessed the phenomenon for a very long time. But it does make me wonder. If I WERE a morning person and not a bitch? Would they keep coming back?

Resolutions

I’ve never been one for resolutions. I’m too practical. How much can one old fart change? But at the same time I am cognizant of the fact that I could be a better person. A better wife. A better mother. A better friend. Less sharp edges and judgment. More tolerance and empathy.

I’ve been in a very self-centered place for months and months. A place called survival mode. Not seeing much more than twenty four hours ahead. Head down, teeth gritted, getting it done. I'd like to get out of this place and out of my own head. A little more glass half full. I'd like to laugh out loud at least once every day. Guess what? I started last night.

Setting: The dinner table in Whoville

The Saint: "I saw an invitation to the Mother Daughter Fashion Show for that school we already pay too much for*, are you guys going?"

Precious Oldest: a bit too quickly and cheerily "I think I'm back at school by then."

Precious Youngest: sinking in her chair, not making eye contact

The Saint: puzzled, don't they think this shit is fun? "Hey, just tell me if I need to write a check."

Me: slowly and thoughtfully, the spirit of Christmas still in my heart "Well you know, I think Miss Crabbypants Down the Street* is in the fashion show, and SOME girls like to go to this event!"

Precious Youngest: "Yeah well, SOME girls flunk out of school, is that OK now?"

Precious Oldest: milk, coming out of her nose "I miss family dinner SO MUCH!"

* some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Happy New Year

The champagne is gone; the black eyed peas consumed. I feel ambivalent about 2007. I hope 2008 is better. I haven't made a New Year's Resolution. Have you?