This and That

• I have such great pictures from the holidays but I don’t think I’m getting them up over here any time soon. Which means it will probably NEVER happen because who wants to see Christmas pictures at Easter?
• Lord have mercy folks, work is kicking my ASS right now.
• We put up the last of the Christmas mishmash last night. The worst of it in my opinion; the Christmas dishes. So! Fun! To! Get! Out! So very tiresome to store away.
• Precious Youngest and my niece head back to school Sunday so we’re having various and sundry family and friends over for pizza tonight to get one more visit in with the college kids before they disappear.
• Precious Oldest is feeling like a big kid!

Happy Friday!

Sometimes....

Sometimes I think

Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman

have a hidden camera in my house.

I'm just sayin'.

Link to "Zits"

In which I am wistful

This Christmas break seemed so short. Too short

Precious Youngest took her last final December 18th and turned around the next day to go to the regional debate tournament. Classes resumed yesterday. That’s two weeks and change for Christmas break.

Precious Oldest also finished finals on the 18th, drove home, and turned around to go with her sister to regionals. Her classes start again late next week, but she’ll go back to campus this weekend as she has to work. A little bit longer break, but still…

Senior year of high school is stressful. The work load is intense and the college application process is grueling. Observing the college age kids of various friends it appears sophomore and junior years at university take their toll. This was certainly the case for Precious Oldest last semester. They were so ready for the break and now it’s over.

I’ve been cooking up favorite meals and trying to get as many hugs in as I can. Time is moving fast my friends. Too fast.

Second Childhood

Sometimes, when you've spent lots of time with extended family, you need to blow off steam. From what I've been reading recently on the blogosphere, some families like to blow off steam by engaging in various forms of psychological warfare. Might I suggest a different approach?

Last Friday night we brought in Tex Mex for dinner. After dinner the littlest kids were getting restless. There was danger for those lingering at the dinner table of launching into a heated political debate. Hopped up on too much root beer and "binge bonding" the kids were headed for a mass melt down and the adults were not far behind.

My brother suggested a game of Kick the can. Even the teenagers thought this was a capital idea. So we bundled up and headed out; from the six year old to the fifty six year old. Creeping around fences, hiding in trees, skulking behind cars. So dark out it was hard to tell who was who in the lightly falling snow. Hearts pounding, freezing in place if anyone came close to where you were hiding. And the exhilaration of kicking the can! Your comrades in "jail" cheering you on!

Consider this: the next time you see trouble brewing as dinner table conversations veer towards age-old "hot button" topics such as politics, religion, career choice, parenting style or whatinthenameofgoddidyoudotoyourhair? Go outside and kick something. You'll be glad you did.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The good...

You may recall we had yet another college visit scheduled for today. In one of our sessions this afternoon I thought one of the panelists looked very familiar. When she introduced herself I bounced up and down in my seat just a little. She was the professor who taught my very first history of art class. She was fairly new to the university at the time and, since I always sat in the front row, we got to know each other quickly.

Her enthusiasm for her subject of the class was so contagious that I took another art history course, and then another, and another, and the next thing I knew I had myself a double major. When our art museum was looking for a new director, she asked me to serve as the student representative on the search committee. She was also largely responsible for the departmental award I received my senior year. I've kept up with her career and family through department newsletters over the years.

I went to speak with her after the session and she's just as warm and enthusiastic as she was twenty plus years ago. Many years have passed since I last saw her, she is the Chair of the department now, but we talked as though I had stepped out of her classroom days rather than decades ago. I have to say I'm still smiling!

The bad...

On to another topic; I am ready to smack a certain seventeen year old. I know she's tired, I know she's stressed, I know she has a lot on her plate. But so help me - the craptastic attitude has GOT TO GO!

The ugly...

I leave you with one last thing. If an automobile engine runs out of oil, guess what happens? I should have prizes for Ree and Susan. I'm just sayin'. *sigh*

When the phone rings after midnight

it is NEVER a good thing. The Saint and I were getting ready for bed Saturday morningFriday night and the phone rang. It was Precious Oldest - broken down on the highway 40 some minutes from home. She and a friend had gone to a concert and on the way back to campus her car just up and died.

We thanked God she wasn't alone. That no one was hurt. That the weather was cold but not frigid. That we had AAA. A wrecker towed her car to the nearest town and friends came from school to pick them up.

It was only the next morning, after the Saint talked to the driver of the tow truck, that it came to light WHY the car had "just up and died". Let's just say the car will not be "up and running" any time soon.

The Saint drove two hours with a friend (a GOOD friend) to retrieve the car. They rented a trailer and hauled it back here. They left the car at our regular garage and tomorrow we'll have the mechanics take a look and access the damages.


Too bad the money tree in the back yard just lost all its leaves.

Still Weary

Sometimes when I’m wallowing in my self pity and angst, I see the world though a very heavy fog. Nothing registers as I move though my days in a haze. Other times, I manage to step outside myself. My awareness is heightened. I become sensitive to the moods of others.

Last night Precious Youngest was stressed. I fixed her a late dinner when she came home from work. We visited about her day and considered her wardrobe options for this weekend’s debate tournament. I went to bed with thoughts of being as helpful to her in the morning as I could.

This morning I gave myself quite a paper cut on the cardboard flap of a box top when I was setting out her breakfast. Then I burned myself ironing a blouse for her to wear to the aforementioned debate tournament. I kissed her on her way out the door and wished her good luck at the tournament.

After she left for school and I was dressing for work and realized the sweater I planned to wear was missing. (Those of you who live with teen aged girls will understand the pain of living with thieving whores busy borrowers.) So I trotted upstairs to Precious Youngest’s room to try to locate the sweater.

BIG MISTAKE.

Seriously people. Maybe she’s stressed because she lives in a PIG STY. I’m just sayin’.

Observation

I got a phone call from Precious Oldest this morning.

She didn’t call to ask for money. She didn’t call to reel off a list of complaints. She didn’t call to vent about petty grievances.

She called to tell me she is happy. That she loves her major. That she made the right decision.

Almost twenty is a LONG, LONG, LONG way from teenager.

I Can't Believe

I'm still sitting here watching the Emmy's. OMG, the WORST EVER. I find myself cringing at each ever lamer bit. And yet, I seem to be too lazy to get off the couch and find something constructive to do.

I have been looking at Homecoming pictures. I'm having difficulty finding any I can edit to post because there were THIRTEEN couples in their group and I can't figure out away to crop out all their little faces. So I'm just gonna post this one and let you in on a little secret - THE cutest couple is Precious Youngest and her date!

Well let's see....

Wheee! Homecoming is this weekend. (OK, maybe not "Wheee!") The dance is Saturday and we finally got the damn dress, but not without much drama and angst. Those of you raising young girls who are picky about clothes/shoes/hair at their tender age? Just you WAIT. So very many things must be considered: length, style, color, comparisons to dresses past.....sigh.

As an added bonus, Precious Youngest attends a Catholic high school, so many of the frocks available for these types of occasions do not meet the modesty standards which I love with all my heart set by the school. So last weekend I ended up taking Precious Youngest to a nearby town to shop for dresses with Sib #2 and her two girls and in tow.

In the end, my sister and I decided this was not a bad way to go. We put the three girls in dressing rooms, sat on the giant ottoman in the middle of the dressing area, and they passed twenty dresses back and forth until all had chosen. When we were done we went down the street to the brewery for lunch. On second thought, perhaps going to the brewery FIRST would have eased the pain..... (learn from my mistakes people, I'm just sayin'.)

In other news, Precious Youngest's BFF is up for Homecoming Queen! We are very excited as the BFF is a sweetie. The Saint is feeling proud because he will be driving the BFF in the Homecoming parade and then onto the football field for the ceremony tonight. He will be borrowing the neighbor's Mercedes convertible for the occasion as the Honda simply will not do.

For my part, I hope to have pictures of headless teenagers to entertain you with when this is all over. Now go have yourselves a nice weekend!

By Request

The Wrong Kind of Closure *

I remember the day I wrote that card, it seemed almost trivial. I was sending a card to my best friend to say goodbye. We’d grown apart in the last months for a reason that I will never be able to figure out. It wasn’t my choice, but I was dealing with losing him. He was having surgery, though I wasn’t ever told the details of it. I thought it was a good time to send him my best wishes, we’d been through so much and I thought I knew what he needed to hear. It seemed like the right thing to do, I wanted closure. I wanted to be able to say it was done, ended on a decent note with a kind goodbye.

We’d been through a lot together, and even though we weren’t always close for those two years, he was always someone very important in my life. This card was meant to give me peace of mind, so I could think of him in a good light even though I was so hurt from our ended friendship. I was so close to not sending the card. I forced myself to walk down the stairs, open the door, and place it in the mail box. I even stood there and questioned if I should put the flag up. But I did, I put it up and walked away, and my card was carried away that day. It honestly slipped my mind for about a week.

Then it happened. Wandering on Facebook, bored, I stumbled onto a post on his wall. I read it innocently enough, not realizing what was in store. I remember reading it, almost a year later, so vividly. My stomach dropped and my heart almost stopped. I couldn’t focus, and I couldn’t understand what I was reading. There they were. My words were telling him that I would always care. They were telling him that I would always love him as my best friend. That he meant so much to me, even if he had always believed that he meant so little to the world. That I believed in him. Those were my words, but they were said to him mockingly, by someone who wasn’t me.

I was changed after that day. It broke my heart knowing that my best friend, who I’d turned to for everything the past two years, would throw it away for no reason – and then laugh at me for it. He showed other people one of the most personal things I’d ever written on paper, and openly ridiculed me for it. It tore me apart like I was that paper, found to be as worthless as he had considered our friendship.

It wasn’t the first time he’d thrown me out like that, but I made sure it would be the last. Learning you’re better off from a long friendship is hard, and you can’t ever really recover. I don’t think I want to fully recover, because I want to remember. I want to remember that I’m better for moving on, and I want to remember to never treat the people I’ve cared about that way. I lost more then just a friend that day. I lost trust that, since that day, I haven’t been able to give. It’s more painful then just growing apart from your best friend. I wanted closure, I wanted peace of mind. I did get closure, but not the kind I wanted.

You want to leave old friends on good terms, so happy memories don’t make you cry, so if you see them somewhere you aren’t afraid to say hello, so you don’t cringe every time someone mentions their name, so you don’t sit across from them in a classroom and wonder how their life is without you. I didn’t get the closure that I wanted. Eventually, with time, I’ve gained peace of mind. We both ended up okay, I’m happy and I’ve gained new friendships, I’ve learned, I’ve moved on. I know I’m a better person, I learned a valuable lesson, but that moment in time when I felt so humiliated will always be there.

* Posted with permission of the author, Precious Youngest

Sometimes...

Sometimes you get tired. And a little cranky. And you feel overwhelmed. And you think that if one more person sends you a nasty and negative political e-mail you might shoot yourself. Work is exhausting. LIFE is exhausting.

You know that feeling? Here's the antidote:

From: Precious Oldest@yahoo.com
Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 11:57 AM
To: Fannie@work
Subject: Happy Wednesday!


Hi, Mom!

I was just missing you and thought I'd say hello. I'm feeling much much much better than I was-- yay for Nyquil and cough drops! I think we've managed to save L****** (at least for a while) from being sick, so that's good news. Two of the girls in our hall have mono, though, which is... icky. How's your day been going? I worked with the kids at Wonder Workshop this morning; they're so much fun. I think I just might love my job, which is basically amazing after my SUPERB summer at Tower. Anything happening in KC?

Miss you! Love you!
<3 K***

I feel better, do you? My big ass grant was submitted today, one more (small one) to go, sister tomorrow, but awards coming too. Bye....

Maudlin

I've been a little grumpy. And out of sorts. I thought maybe it was because I've been staying up too late watching the Olympics. But something occurred to me yesterday.

I was driving with Precious Oldest to Target to do a "Back to College" run. (Holy hell people, start saving $$$ NOW!) And I started to get a little misty. And I realized I'm in the throws of my annual they're going "Back to School" schlump.

Precious Oldest leaves on Monday. Precious Youngest is checking in as we speak. Getting her last high school ID picture taken. Paying for her last high school parking permit. Getting her last locker assignment. This morning I took the last "First Day of School" picture.

1997, First and Third Grade

I don't know where the time has gone. I look at these faces and my eyes fill with tears, my throat closes up. From the day they were born I prepared them to leave us, to be on their own, to be successful. But now that they're doing it? I wish I wouldn't have been so damned efficient.

The Value of a Dollar

I started to leave a comment on Melissa's post about kids and money but after the fourth paragraph I folded up my tent and decided to write about it over here.

Money is an interesting topic. How much we have, how much we earn, how much we save are all topics people don't discuss much. Not even within the family. But here's the thing: how do your kids learn to handle money if you don't talk about it? Help them plan? Teach them the ropes?

Theories about children and money abound. Different things work for different families. Here is the way we went about things:

Up through second grade money was not an issue. We bought the Precious Daughters the things they needed, and sometimes the things they wanted. If they received checks on special occasions from family we parked it in the savings accounts we opened for them when they were still very small.

In third grade they started receiving a weekly allowance. (I took cash out of our account at the start of each month so I didn't get caught short or forget altogether.) They received one dollar per grade year. And yes, in the later grades we looked like cheapskates. Many folks adhere to the dollar per year of age ratio. But our girls babysat, mowed lawns, did "vacation duty" for traveling friends and were paid to do "Big Chores" that went above and beyond the usual. And let's face it, we still did the lions share of the purchasing.

In sixth grade the saving account changed to a money market account. When the statements came we would open them and I'd show them their interest from the last month. (Remember the glory years in the 90's when interest rates were 6% to 7%?) And they were all "Woot, free money! I didn't have to do a thing and these people gave me money!" It encouraged them to put money away in their money market account instead of just blowing it.

Twice a year we did a "big" clothes shopping trip. I'd withdraw a predetermined, per child amount in cash and stick it in an envelope. They'd have a list of must buys, and what was left over could be spent on whatever they wanted. Expensive jeans and tennis shoes did not seem so important if it meant you weren't going to get that cute sweater or t-shirt two stores over!

In high school we moved them to a monthly allowance. Between allowance and their "jobs" they were expected to take care of all their day-to-day expenses including gifts for friends, lunches, coffee, movies, etc. I still provided a twice yearly envelope of cash for clothing, but didn't feel the need to hover while they made selections.

At sixteen they got a checking account and debit card. This revolutionized the ease with which we operated. Instead of cash, I'd just move funds to their account and they'd use their debit cards. They could drive THEMSELVES to the mall! Better yet? They could run errands for me and I could reimburse them electronically!

At sixteen they also started working for an actual paycheck. The expectation is that the paycheck gets deposited in the money market account; then smaller amounts are moved to the checking account/debit card.

They fill their gas tanks. They pay for movies and dinners out. They purchase a lot of their own clothes. They don't ask us for money. Although the offer of gas money if they've been running family errands or cash to grab a burger is gladly accepted, they have no expectation that there is a money tree growing in our back yard.

Both girls have tidy sums saved. They're careful with their purchases. They seek out free and/or cheap forms of entertainment. (Have I mentioned there's a lot of sitting on my couch eating my snacks?!) Budgeting money is second nature.

Precious Oldest is in college. We've talked to her about the temptation of credit card offers and the horrors of getting into debt. We've discussed the evils of pay day loan schemes. We've extolled the virtues of driving a mediocre car, but one you paid cash for. Long before she graduates we'll make sure she has started planning for retirement. No, we DON'T think it's too early.

These are tough economic times. What are you doing to prepare your children?

Overheard

Yesterday

Fannie: to Precious Youngest "When are you working today?"

Precious Youngest: "4:00 to 9:30."

Fannie: "I thought they took the bubble down off all the tennis courts; how are they going to play that late? It will be dark!"

Precious Youngest: "Um....there are outdoor lights?"

Fannie: blink blink

Precious Oldest: "Yeah mom, there's this new thing. It's called ELECTRICITY!"

- - - - - - - - - - -

Last Night

Fannie: "Honey, while you're up would you pour me a glass of wine? Please?"

Precious Oldest: "Good lord woman, I went shopping with you, I went to Costco with you, what more do you want from me?"

Fannie: "I pushed you out of my vagina."

Precious Oldest: "Way to play the cervix card mom!"

-----------

This Morning

The Saint: "What are you doing up at 5:45 on on a Saturday?"

Fannie: "Um, it's not Saturday it's FRIDAY."

The Saint: blink blink

The Saint: "Oh man, this day is gonna suck out loud!"

Oh, so you're THAT family

We don't have a rec room or a finished basement. We don't own any video games. There's no Guitar Hero or Rock Band in this house.

Good lord woman, you're thinking, what in the hell did thirty some high school children do to entertain themselves for SIX HOURS last night?





They played some badminton and ate some Bar B Que








They played Horseshoes

and Basketball





After the sun went down they made a fire and had s'mores. And yes siree, Homecoming Date, Prom Date and Junior Ring Date were all here.






At 11:30 PM, when the last guest departed, I went to bed. Precious Youngest and the BFF were on clean up detail. This is what I found this morning. Tables and chairs put away. Dishwasher unloaded. Trash picked up. Recyclables separated.









Teenagers. Sometimes you gotta love em'!

Overheard

At the grocery store with Precious Youngest

Lady Bagging Groceries (LBG): after filling two canvas bags and setting a gallon of milk beside them “Do you need your shopping cart?”

Fannie: “No, I think we can get this.”

LBG: “One of these bags is really heavy.”*

Fannie: “That’s OK; Precious Youngest can carry that one.”

Precious Youngest: grabbing the lighter of the bags and dashing towards the door “No mom, I think you’d better carry the rest yourself. I don’t want you getting dependent on me. Otherwise you might not survive when I leave for college.”

*Note: Those canvas bags are huge and they hold a lot, but holy crap they can get heavy!

Overheard

Fannie: remarks to the Saint whilst looking out the kitchen window at the swing set in the back yard "The seats on the swings are looking a little ragged; do you think we should replace them?"

Precious Youngest: with disdain "No one even FITS in those seats any more."

Fannie: thoughtfully "Well maybe not you, but......You know? We don't really have that many little ones visiting any more. Maybe we should take the whole thing down."

Precious Youngest: now horrified and filled with dismay "Geez mom, way to dismantle my childhood before I'm even out of high school!"

Invitation

The doorbell rang the other evening. It was the BFF and "Boy A". Boy A made this sign to do the "Official Asking". He had BFF tape it on Precious Youngest's bedroom door

RHS Junior Ring?
or a better question might be
is it humanly possible to resist this much manliness?









I can't imagine where he found this picture. They were about five years old. Seriously, how cute were they? People, THIS is why I hope everything works out.

Drama

I know I’ve explained the Precious Daughter’s reluctance to let go of inability to walk away charming habit of remaining friends with the majority of their ex-boyfriends? (For the love of god, if you plan to read the rest of this entry PLEASE read the LINK!) Well I’ve got a mini teen drama playing out and I want to go on record as saying I think someone is going to get their feelings hurt.

Precious Youngest has known a young man we’ll call “Boy A” since Kindergarten. They “went out” some time during eighth grade if I’m remembering correctly. Boy A went on to a different high school (Jesuit, all boys), but he lives in the neighborhood, they have friends in common, so they still see each other a fair amount. Additionally, if you attend an all boys school? You will need Precious Youngest and her pals to go to various dances with your friends and you will not hesitate to call her. In fact, it was through Boy A that Precious Youngest ended up with Homecoming Date #1 last fall.

As a refresher, Precious Youngest is a high school junior. At the aforementioned all boys school, in place of “Junior Prom”, they have “Junior Ring”. Here in Whoville, the word on the street is that this is THE high school dance. Not to be missed. THE BEST. Boy A, who still carries a wee torch, wants to take Precious Youngest. Problem? "Boy B". Boy B was Homecoming Date #2 last fall and morphed into Boyfriend around Christmas.

Precious Youngest has had “hard core talks” with Boy B and he has “agreed” that Boy A can take her to "Junior Ring" with the proviso that, the weekend of the dance, he can complain as much as he wants and she can’t say anything.

Are you still with me here? Do I need diagrams? Flow charts? OK, here’s the thing; I don’t see this ending well. I’ve TOLD Precious Youngest this. She insists it will be fine. That she just wants to go to the dance. That Boy A KNOWS it's "just as friends". That Boy B is really OK with this.

I remain uncertain. Any thoughts?