Friday, June 26, 2009

AWOL

People, people, people. I’m in a bit of a hole. My anxiety level has been creeping slowly upwards for weeks. I’m not sure how long ago the creeping began, but it’s been long enough that I’m starting to feel a wee bit fretful.

When I wake up in the morning I have a lump in my throat. A lump that makes it seem I’m trying to swallow something small and hard over.and.over.and.over. By noon my heart feels heavy. Like a slightly larger version of the stone lodged in my throat. By the time I leave the office some asshole buffoon seems intent on trying to squeeze blood out of the aforementioned stone.

When I get home, if I don’t have some really pressing to do’s to keep me occupied, I head straight for a glass of wine. More nights than not, I seem to have polished of an entire bottle before bed.

(Vis a vis of nothing there was an article in the paper this morning about a book featuring six steps to living like a cave man to rid oneself of depression. Nothing new or earth shattering about the list, and shit I already do every damn day, so please don’t send any “healthy living” tips my way kay?)

While I’m not full on panic attacky, I’m not having much fun. And feeling this way is ever so slowly starting to suck the joy out of my life. And people? It is summer damn it! I got through winter pretty much unscathed so this is odd for me.

All this is to say that while I have many thoughts swirling though my head and many stories I’d like to capture here I think my ability to do so has hidden away in my joy’s suitcase and skipped town.

6 comments:

Jen on the Edge said...

I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Swirl Girl said...

sounds like you miss someone(s)...

I call this feeling June Gloom, plenty of it to go around too.

It , too, shall pass.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That doesn't sound good at all. Is this something that's happened to you before?

Have you considered having your hormones checked--it's all the rage among my friends these days--many of whom are having similar issues.

Ree said...

{{hugs}}

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ugh. Know I'm thinking of you. No good (or bad or well-intended) advice, I promise.

Leanne said...

Aww girlfriend, hugs and more wine too. It'll pass, but should you see someone? Maybe it's a hormonal thing? OMG did I just say that? I'm not a man even!! Sigh. More hugs.