Speechless

I have an very overweight co-worker. She told me this week how disappointed she is with her "diet". It turns out she's been "modeling" her eating habits after what she thought were mine.

?

She is perplexed as to why she has not shed ONE SINGLE POUND! We do everything the SAME! I drink coffee in the morning and so does she




Although I don't have much of an appetite in the early morning I do make myself eat cereal for breakfast and so does she

I do think fruits and vegetables are an important part of a good diet and so does she

I think consumption of whole grains is important and so does she


I think a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack is often a good idea

and to keep hydrated throughout the day.


On and on it goes. I am at a loss as to what to say to this individual. So dear readers, any thoughts?

Shopaholic

Last Friday ( a week ago, yes I have been busy and ignoring things over here) I had a luncheon which produced a fairly massive fashion emergency the morning of. I had an outfit in mind but while I was doing my hair I had a "better" idea. It went like this:

1. Put on (sleeveless) dress and cardigan.
2. Hate it.
3. Put on different cardigan.
4. Hate it too.
5. Revert to original outfit - also (sleeveless) dress and cardigan
6. Hate it more.
7. Pull out two skirts, four additional cardigans and a smattering of camisoles.
8. Lather, rinse, repeat steps 1 to 4.
9. Give up and leave for office twenty minutes late in boring black skirt, boring white cardigan over boring black camisole.
10. After trying on and discarding three shoe options before settling on a black patent pump.
11. Only consolation truly fab necklace thrown on at last minute in desperate attempt to not cry.

Let me just say that my bedroom looked as though my closet had thrown up its contents over every available surface.

When we awoke on Saturday to yet another rainy, cold and dreary day I conned Precious Youngest into going shopping with me. Can I just say that for a bunch of girls the Precious Daughters and I are not big shoppers? We adore clothes, shoes, bags, the works - but actual the shopping? Meh.

Anyhoodle we spent about four hours IN A MALL. You have no idea how bizarre and disturbing that is. BUT, with a little help I got some new things to throw in the mix and hopefully prevent any other emergencies of the type experienced last week. Behold:

Gray, tropical weight wool pencil skirt - Ann Taylor - marked down to $39.99

Cardigans, pink and gray - Talbot's - marked down to $33.99

Raspberry tank with sparkly sequins and fun scarf (not marked down - shush) Ann Taylor Loft.

Not to worry, Precious Youngest scored several items too, including the same tank but in Navy. I came back with just enough new pieces to mix and match with existing pieces that I haven't been late to work once this week!

Done any shopping lately?

Precious Daughters - Bullet Edition

• Precious Youngest is home for the summer.
• It took two vehicles to get all her shit home in one trip.
• Her dorm room wasn’t that big. One wonders how they fit all that stuff in the room all year.
• Priority one is finding a summer job.
• Well, from OUR perspective.
• The real priority one is getting some sleep.
• Priority two is cleaning out the shit hole she calls her room.
• Well, that’s MY priority two.
• The real priority two is catching up with The Pie and friends.
• Precious Oldest is not coming home this summer
• She has a job on campus that pays well and will allow her time to take a six hundred level class she would not otherwise be able to fit in her schedule.
• Let’s allow that to sink in a bit shall we?
• Precious Oldest is not coming home this summer.
• Six young men we have known ALL THEIR LIVES are graduating this week end. Five high school; one college.
• That makes me feel incredibly old.
• I've got nothing else except sweetbabyjesusu enough with the rain already!!!!

Mother's Day

Like all families, we have many inside jokes. Lines of dialogue that have arisen out of conversations and occurrences that are oft repeated and sometimes published. Some have lore so strong people OUTSIDE the family are in on the joke.

This is the Mother's Day card Precious Oldest sent to me:



When Precious Oldest was in high school, after yet another argument about me not allowing her to do ANYTHING FUN AT ALL, I blurted out in frustration: “You know, it’s a good thing we’re more like best friends than mother and daughter!”. She laughed, I laughed and just like that the line became a running part of the family dialogue.

"We always were more like best friends than mother and daughter!"

Then there's this from Precious Youngest:


On a family vacation when Precious Youngest was a baby (in which all four of us shared a room)we discovered that she spent an hour or so in the middle of the night wide awake holding a party. There was no crying, no distress of any sort, just her WIDE AWAKE AND JABBERING TO HERSELF AT MIDNIGHT!

As a toddler, no longer contained in a crib, she took her personal parties on the road. I never knew what I would find in the morning. She would be sound asleep in bed having left in her wake a swath of destruction. My personal favorite (read: OMG what she do NOW!) was finding both the bathroom and the (back in bed and asleep) baby covered in Vaseline!

"Bridgey parties? What? Vaseline? My bad! "

Good God they make me laugh!

A Must See

On Mother's Day I went with my sister and my mother to see the documentary Babies.

Do yourselves a favor and see it. Awesome!

* Edited to add: Sorry, you'll have to suffer through some long, lame bit before the trailer kicks in!

Overheard on Facebook

Facebook Chat

Carol 3:20pm
Mrs. Fannie...you should be working!

Me 3:23pm
Mrs. P., so should you.
And BTW I was updating my WORK Facebook page!!!

Carol 3:24pm
Sure you were:)

Me 3:25pm
P.S. I was a little bit hungover this AM - stupid Heidi - one more glass....

Carol 3:26pm
Stupid, stupid Heidi - we hate her!
Actually I didn't feel bad, but I ate more than you did.

Me 3:27pm
Ah yes, once again over served and under fed through no fault of my own!

Overheard - When Cleaning Kills Edition

Sunday evening The Saint was taking the trash bin to the curb and stopped to chat with some neighbors; a girlhood friend of Precious Youngest’s on a walk with her father. I was inside watching a re-run of The Real Housewives: The Reunion balancing the checkbook when I heard a loud thud.

The Saint: “Quick, there’s been another cleaning related injury!”

Fannie: stepping out onto the front porch to see a tiny bird lying on its side, stunned out of its mind “What happened? Did it run into the door?”

The Saint: “There were two of them! They were flying at top speed! This one slammed right into the storm door! The glass was too clean! He didn’t realize it was a window!

Fannie: *blink* *blink*

Friend: to Fannie “OMG, remember Lucky? Didn’t you learn ANYTHING after Lucky?”

Ah yes, Lucky. Many, many years ago Precious Youngest was gifted a gold fish named “Lucky”. Lucky had small tank with some pebbles, a filter, a few fake plants and, if I remember correctly, a tiny castle.

At the time the fish was “gifted” to her Precious Youngest was in the fourth grade. She would have been what? Nine years old? So you can imagine her record of taking care of pets (well anything at all really) was spotty at best.

One morning while she was at school I was putting clean clothes away in her room and realized poor Lucky’s tank was filthy. I stomped downstairs to retrieve what I needed to clean the tank muttering under my breath many bad words about irresponsibility laziness general ineptitude not being the maid.

I scooped up Lucky and some water from the tank and put it/hm into a bowl. I cleaned the tank, filled it with fresh water and dumped Lucky back in. Still muttering under my breath I continued on with my day.

Precious Youngest arrived home from school with a friend in tow.

Precious Youngest: from her bedroom “Mom, something's wrong with Lucky!”

Fannie: seeing Lucky floating upside down in the tank “Oh my gosh that’s so weird, he was fine earlier today when I cleaned the tank!”

Precious Youngest: “You cleaned the tank?”

Fannie: defensively “Yes, I cleaned the tank! Who ELSE was going to clean the…”

Fannie: *blink* * blink*

Precious Youngest: “WHAT?”

Fannie: “Huh, I wonder if using Windex to clean the glass was a bad idea.”

Precious Youngest: “MOM!!!!”

Friend: to Fannie "I knew your cleaning would kill some day.”

Cleanliness may be next to Godliness, but around here you’re gonna take your chances!