Overheard

Outside Cardiac ICU room number five

To the endocrinologist and cardiologist

Fannie: "There is something you need to know about my sister's medical history that isn't in her charts because there isn't a space for it. My sister's ex-husband is an abusive, alcoholic, living in a Salvation Army shelter, piece of shit. That woman in room five has three children and she is all they have. Her son is twelve years old and he doesn't want Aunt Fannie and Uncle Saint; he wants his mother. You? Need to fix.my.sister."

Overheard on Facebook

Facebook Chat

Carol 3:20pm
Mrs. Fannie...you should be working!

Me 3:23pm
Mrs. P., so should you.
And BTW I was updating my WORK Facebook page!!!

Carol 3:24pm
Sure you were:)

Me 3:25pm
P.S. I was a little bit hungover this AM - stupid Heidi - one more glass....

Carol 3:26pm
Stupid, stupid Heidi - we hate her!
Actually I didn't feel bad, but I ate more than you did.

Me 3:27pm
Ah yes, once again over served and under fed through no fault of my own!

Overheard - When Cleaning Kills Edition

Sunday evening The Saint was taking the trash bin to the curb and stopped to chat with some neighbors; a girlhood friend of Precious Youngest’s on a walk with her father. I was inside watching a re-run of The Real Housewives: The Reunion balancing the checkbook when I heard a loud thud.

The Saint: “Quick, there’s been another cleaning related injury!”

Fannie: stepping out onto the front porch to see a tiny bird lying on its side, stunned out of its mind “What happened? Did it run into the door?”

The Saint: “There were two of them! They were flying at top speed! This one slammed right into the storm door! The glass was too clean! He didn’t realize it was a window!

Fannie: *blink* *blink*

Friend: to Fannie “OMG, remember Lucky? Didn’t you learn ANYTHING after Lucky?”

Ah yes, Lucky. Many, many years ago Precious Youngest was gifted a gold fish named “Lucky”. Lucky had small tank with some pebbles, a filter, a few fake plants and, if I remember correctly, a tiny castle.

At the time the fish was “gifted” to her Precious Youngest was in the fourth grade. She would have been what? Nine years old? So you can imagine her record of taking care of pets (well anything at all really) was spotty at best.

One morning while she was at school I was putting clean clothes away in her room and realized poor Lucky’s tank was filthy. I stomped downstairs to retrieve what I needed to clean the tank muttering under my breath many bad words about irresponsibility laziness general ineptitude not being the maid.

I scooped up Lucky and some water from the tank and put it/hm into a bowl. I cleaned the tank, filled it with fresh water and dumped Lucky back in. Still muttering under my breath I continued on with my day.

Precious Youngest arrived home from school with a friend in tow.

Precious Youngest: from her bedroom “Mom, something's wrong with Lucky!”

Fannie: seeing Lucky floating upside down in the tank “Oh my gosh that’s so weird, he was fine earlier today when I cleaned the tank!”

Precious Youngest: “You cleaned the tank?”

Fannie: defensively “Yes, I cleaned the tank! Who ELSE was going to clean the…”

Fannie: *blink* * blink*

Precious Youngest: “WHAT?”

Fannie: “Huh, I wonder if using Windex to clean the glass was a bad idea.”

Precious Youngest: “MOM!!!!”

Friend: to Fannie "I knew your cleaning would kill some day.”

Cleanliness may be next to Godliness, but around here you’re gonna take your chances!

Overheard

Fannie: (To The Saint) "Do you care if I eat the last of the pie?"

The Saint: "No."

Later

The Saint: "Hey, where's the pie?"

Fannie: "I ate it."

The Saint: "But ...but...you don't eat pie!"

Fannie: "I asked if you minded if I ate the last piece!"

The Saint: "But...but...you don't eat dessert!"

Fannie: "But I ASKED if I could eat it!"

The Saint: "YOU DON'T EAT PIE!"

Fannie: "But I ASKED!"

The Saint: "YOU DON'T EAT PIE!"

Fannie: "But..."

The Saint: "YOU DON'T EAT PIE!"

Fannie: "GAAAAAHHHHHH!"

The Saint: "YOU DON'T EAT PIE!"


Good Gravy!

Overheard - Big 12 Edition

Scene: Grocery store

Fannie is checking out wearing something like this



Gentleman gets in line behind her wearing something like this



After eyeing each other warily:

Fannie: "Forget about it - NEVER gonna happen."

Gentleman: "Hope springs eternal young lady, hope springs eternal."

Overheard

Fannie: I need to tell you something and I want to be very clear about of my intentions so no one gets the wrong idea.

The Saint: *blink* *blink*

Fannie: I’m going to have to start sleeping naked.

The Saint: *blink* *blink* Because of the hot flashes?

Fannie: Yes.

The Saint: So you showing up naked will not necessarily be an indication that you're looking to get lucky?

Fannie: Precisely!

Laugh or Cry?

My sister is back in the hospital. The Saint and I took her to the ER yesterday. Elevated heart rate and fluid in the lungs is putting off the radiation therapy she was due to have tomorrow to "kill" her thyroid.

She's been feeling poorly for too long and is beyond upset to be back in the hospital. We're a little low in the morale department around these parts.

So laugh or cry?

OVERHEARD

The Saint calls me today at the office

The Saint: Are you cooking dinner tonight?

Fannie: I was planning to, why?

The Saint: I think the Precious Daughters both have plans tonight.

Fannie: Well, what time? Do the plans involve dinner?

The Saint: I think Precious Oldest has potential dinner plans, I'm not sure about Precious Youngest.

Fannie: It doesn't really matter -I'm cooking whether anyone is home or not. Tell them to do whatever. And any way, I don't want to be "THAT MOTHER" .

The Saint: "THAT MOTHER"?

Fannie: You know, the one that does the guilt.

The Saint: Oh, I'll be sure to pass THAT along!

Fannie: "Well ...when you do make sure you tell them *sniff* you heard tears in my voice!

All joking aside - we need a prayer over here!

P.S. They were both home for family dinner, I'm just sayin'.

Overheard

Hospital room on the cardiac wing -

Nurse B: “Hi, I’m Nurse B and I’ll be taking over your care for tonight.”

Sib #2: “Hi, this is my sister Fannie. She’s here for moral support.”

Nurse B: “Great. OK, I brought something to help with your nausea. But we really need to get your heart rate down. I’m going to give you Cumadin, Atenolol and Lovenox. Have you had Cumadin before?”

Sib #2: “The blood thinner? Yes”

Nurse B: “How about the Lovenox?”

Sib #2: “I’m not sure.”

Fannie: “Hon, I think that’s the injection they do in your stomach.”

Sib #2: “Oh man, I hate that one, it hurts!”

Nurse B: “I know, I’m sorry, but we really need to get your heart rate down. You’re going to need the Lovenox every 12 hours for about four days to give the Cumadin time to kick in.”

Sib #2: “Wait, four days? Will I have to stay here that long?”

Nurse B: “If we get your heart rate down enough to send you home you can do the injections at home.”

Sib #2: “No WAY am I doing that to myself!”

Fannie: “I could do it!”

Sib #2: “No way I’m letting YOU near me with a needle!”

Fannie: “Hey, when my time comes I’m letting you pull the plug!”

Sib #2: “Oh alright, you can stick me.”

Nurse B: “This is what you call moral support?”

Fannie: “I’m holding her hand aren’t I?”

Sheesh.


All kidding aside, they have only been able to get her heart rate from 205 to about 140. A normal heart rate is 70 to 80. We’re also waiting for the results a CT scan. Please keep my sister in your prayers.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

Precious Oldest was on the phone and we were comparing Halloween notes.

Fannie: “We ran out of candy at 9:00! And I had two HUGE bags of assorted candy! I almost resorted to handing out the Almond Joys I held back!”


Precious Oldest: “I did the same thing – took out all the Almond Joys!”

Fannie: “Well of course! Kids don’t like coconut!


Or nuts!


It’s really for the best.”

Precious Oldest: “But …I bought a huge bag of candy that included Almond Joys ON PURPOSE….”

Fannie: “So what?”

Precious Oldest: “SO, I bought candy I had no intention of passing out to the kids! OMG - I am turning into my mother!”

Humph, she says that like it’s a bad thing!

Loving her new living quarters

First the back story:
Precious Youngest lived in West Hall her freshman and sophomore years. This year she is an R.A. in a different dorm. The day we moved her in to her new digs she and a friend (also an R.A. and also a former West Hall resident) ran through their new dorm shouting “OMG – we lived in a slum for two years and we didn’t even know it!!!”

Flash forward:
Here is an e-mail sent to me yesterday

To:Fannie@work
From: Precious.Oldest@school
Sent: Tue 10/06/09 04:24 PM
Subject: GHETTO

Remember how much of a ghetto West Hall is? This weekend, a pipe burst and flooded the entire basement, leaked into some electrical appliances, caused an electrical fire in the elevator shaft, and forced the entire hall to evacuate for two days. HOORAY!

<3 Precious Oldest

Sometimes timing is everything!

Overheard - Sortta

This conversation was related to me by Precious Oldest

College Friend of Precious Oldest: "I don't know if it will happen in two years, ten years or twenty years, but you WILL end up being exactly like your mother.



Precious Oldest: shaking her head slowly from side to side: "Don't I know it."

Overheard

Jenn posted this about her daughter, which made me think of the following conversation that took place at our house around graduation.:

The Saint: “I’ll give five dollars to anyone who can guess, within 20%, the number of texts Precious Youngest sent in the month of April.

Fannie: guessing really high because she really needs five dollars “3,700.”

Precious Youngest: who should have a frigging clue “5,200.”

Fannie’s Mother: shocked at how high we were guessing “2,300.”

Fannie’s Father: trying to show off “2,896.”

The Saint: crowing triumphantly “7,836!”

Fannie: mouth agape "Holy crap!"

Fannie's Mother: mouth agape "Mary Mother of God!"

Precious Youngest: shrugging and unfazed "I was in school for the month of April. Just wait until you see May. "

I'll keep ya'll posted!