Friday, February 1, 2008

A letter to my Uterus

Editor’s Note: I don’t think I have any many man type readers. I don’t generally write about the kinds of things that would interest them. I do however have some stalkers lurkers who may in fact have a penis. So if you are of the male persuasion, in the name of all that is holy, STOP READING NOW.

Dear Uterus,

I am well and truly OVER YOU. If I were any good at math I would tell you the number of times over the past thirty one years and five months that we have played out this little drama. But I’m not, so I can’t. Suffice it to say we’ve been there, done this.

I refuse to be held hostage in my house on day three. I refuse to go to sleep using two tampons, a maxi pad, and lying on a bath towel. Only to awaken at 2 AM in the middle of a goddamn crime scene. I say ENOUGH!

There were some good times. I will give you due and proper credit for the months you cradled my babies in your loving embrace. Even for those babies who left you too soon, I acknowledge it was never your fault. For that I say "Thank you".

Those heroic deeds are in fact why, when we were at this same crossroads four years ago, I did NOT have you obliterated by hysterectomy and instead chose Endometrial Ablation.

And how do you repay me? By regenerating your fucking lining? Are you kidding me? I expect this kind of behavior from my liver. (Expect it? Hell, I APPLAUD it.) But to you I say “Oh HELL no!”

In light of your recent antics I must respectfully request that you cease and desist with the sanguination and fist sized clots. If you do not, I will have no choice but to make an appointment with Dr. C. to have your permanent residence changed from my abdominal cavity to a bin marked Medical Waste.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best regards,

Fannie

11 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

A friend of mine is going through that - she's about to have that first procedure done this month. Ain't your 40's fun?

Vanessa said...

I'm so sorry, but please tell me this is not what's in store for the 40's. If so, I'd like to offer up my uterus right now.

christie said...

I had my hysterectomy 8 days ago. I have peace with it, but today I also felt a little sad.
That's why I decided to write Her a letter.
Googled "letter to my uterus" because I just KNEW other women must have done it before me.
So here it it! And I love it.
My story is abit different, but the basics are alike!
Thanks, Christie

Mary Alice said...

Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one. I got out of the car last month to go to class and felt this sudden gush...the kind you know will not be absorbed - even by the giant pad that reaches both sides of the waistband of your granny panties. Sometimes I fear I am birthing a litter of kittens..oh no, just the infamous clots you speak of. I am over it myself. Enough indeed.

Mary said...

Ha. I just made an appointment for my uterus. I'm going to have it officially nagged at! The thing has a mind of its own and rarely consults me regarding its decisions.

I'm glad to hear you won't be battling your uterus on your trip - in twelve days it should be done with its rebellion and resting up for the next revolt. Vacation between - great timing!

drawer queen said...

You are making me really glad I chose to get rid of the damned thing instead of the ablation. I do not miss what you are describing... especially the time I was on a walk and was three miles from home... as a matter of fact I would like you to cc my uterus, wherever it may be just so it knows how I felt!!

I was really reluctant to have the surgery, but MAN am I ever glad I did. I feel a gazillion times better!!
Aren't you glad though that you aren't in Mexico right now?

blackbird said...

I'm beginning to hate my uterus.
I did go through a stage where I mourned the idea of never having another baby (AS IF) but now my cycle is all freaky.

DaisyJo said...

My wanker ex-husband's response when I was in your shoes? "Never trust anyone who can bleed for more than three days and not die."

At 33, I went into surgery to have an ablation (thereby preserving my child-bearing ability until I could actually have one) but I didn't get what I ordered. My doctor was an incompetent ass.

Not bitter much, am I?

Have it done; you'll feel so much better.

~Signed "Period-Free for Eight Years"

Karen said...

Wow, I'm hoping that I never see this kind of crap from my own body.

Ree said...

Sounds like my mother's bout with menopause. She had her hysterectomy not long after.

I'm on my 3rd period in 7 weeks. But they're normal 3-4 day things. (I've just jinxed the shit out of myself, haven't I?)

Oh, and my word verification for this comment? hotkvnh! I don't know about kvnh, but it's nice I can actually type those first 3 letters in combination. ;-)

new diva on the blog said...

I had my hysterectomy almost 2 years ago. It is strange to know that I will truly never have any more babies, but I must the lack of middle of the night crime scenes, leaving the house whenever I want, and wearing anything I want at all times (hello white) is truly a wonderful thing.