Thursday, February 28, 2008


I have been diddling around for close to a YEAR trying to sell a VACANT LOT. The land was a gift to our Foundation from a hospital that was closing its doors and selling its assets. The land sat on our books as an asset for over three years. The lot was adjacent to the larger hospital property which sat abandoned, forsaken and unsold until fifteen months ago.

In late 2006 the previously abandoned property was sold to a developer. All of the sudden our little piece of property had interested buyers. And what’s better than an asset sitting on your books? Why yes! Very good! Cold hard cash that you can turn around and give to people who need it! So up on the block it went.

One of the bids came from a lovely organization, also a not for profit. Their bid was not the high bid, but our Board gave special consideration to the fact that they are a charitable organization with a mission similar in nature to ours. All was right with the world and we expected to close in ninety days.

Except the original letter of intent to purchase was signed last April. The Executive Director of the purchasing organization couldn't get his Board to play nicely (let’s call him asshat who can’t control his Board shall we?). The process drug on for months. Special meetings were called, ultimatums were given, ridiculous attorneys fees mounted.

Last September I had some correspondence from the Sate letting me know I had until March 1st of 2008 to renew the property tax exemption for the VACANT LOT. Let’s just say such a filing is a gigantic pain in the ass and leave it at that shall we? So I said to myself, “Surely we will not still own this property come the first of the year!”, and stuck the paperwork in a drawer.

But I also set the filing as a task in Outlook, and that fucker turned up January 1st like a bad penny. And we still “owned” the land. So I drug the paperwork out again and took a closer look. Bottom line? No fucking way could I spin getting this thing exempted again. Because a vacant lot? Serves no charitable purpose. (And you’re looking at someone who has a way with words, I’m just sayin’.)

At this point our attorney is almost daily assuring me that a contract is just around the corner, not to worry. I asked our attorney what I should do about the filing for the State and he said "Nothing". So back into the drawer went the paperwork.

Finally, last week, (thank the sweet baby Jesus) we got a signed contract and the earnest money was deposited in escrow. (Cue angels singing.) And I promptly sent all the property tax exemption paperwork over to asshat who can’t control his Board, because THEY were going to put a parking lot on the vacant lot. So that the DISABLED people they serve could better reach their fine institution in comfort and safety. You know, a somewhat more charitable purpose than a VACANT LOT sitting as an asset on our books.

So imagine my dismay when the first call I got Wednesday morning was from asshat who can’t control his Board telling me that well gee, his attorney said “we” had to do the filing since "we" owned the property January 1st. Not only that, but “we” should also draft a letter to accompany the filing informing the State of the impending sale. WTF?

I reminded asshat who can't control his Board that as an ASSET SITTING ON OUR BOOKS, I was fairly sure the property would not receive an exemption. Perhaps under these circumstance they could ask for an extension? He mentioned that the paperwork from the State was dated last September. Oh no he didn't! I replied that I had no fucking inkling last September that we would still OWN the VACANT LOT on the first of the year!

And then asshat faxed all the shit back to me. SIGH. So I looked it over again. Still a gigantic pain in the ass; needing financials and 990s and audits attached. SIGH. It was 9:00 in the morning and I needed a Xanex and a Bloody Mary. The End.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

My eyes glaze over and my brain heads to Hawaii when financials are discussed, so the only words I got were Xanax and Bloody Mary!

DaisyJo said...

I love that you counted the number of times you said it.

I wanted to count the number of times you called him an asshat, but I'm not awake enough yet.

Fannie Mae said...

Jenn - Same here. Hence my reluctance to do the stupid paperwork!

Daisy - Might be the daily average.