Saturday, March 15, 2008

It turns out you CAN shame your uterus!

Remember when I sort of went on a rant about the betrayal of a certain body part? No? OK, go read this. I'll wait.

Back? Alrighty, I hope you're good a math. Subtract March 12th from January 30th. (What? English majors have mad math skills too, geez.)Do you know what you get? Forty two days! As in six weeks!

That's right, Aunt Flo packed her bags and left. And didn't come back for SIX WEEKS! And she's the kind of bitch who doesn't take a talking to scolding rebuke slap on the wrist lightly. In fact it's conceivable she's a malicious bitch who holds a grudge. So when she went MIA I figured she was out with my uterus plotting revenge.

She did return, (is menopause EVER going to get here?) but shadow of her former self. Meek. Obliging. Respectful. Hurricane Flo has been downgraded to an April Shower.

So, if you'd like me to write to a body part anyone on your behalf, let me know. Evidently when it comes to delivering a threat giving a good dressing down I'm aces.

11 comments:

Ree said...

You can yell at my uterus anytime.

Vanessa said...

Hey April showers is huge improvement over Hurricane Flo!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think I'm covered in that department, but thanks for the offer!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Same thing happened to me - every two weeks for a while, and then it suddenly went to 5 weeks, which is a blessed relief. Why doesn't someone warn us of this? They could hand us pamphlets like they did in 4th or 5th grade, explaining what is going to happen to our bodies...

DaisyJo said...

My right elbow could use some discipline, if you can spare any.

I didn't think I'd get arthritic until much later, and I'm over it already.

Barb said...

I could have used your "chat" about 10 years back but since I don't have your powers my junk got trashed ~ best thing I ever did! Sure don't miss it.

Karen said...

That is good to know. I will keep that in mind for when I absolutely need it. One can't waste powers like that.

drawer queen said...

Be careful... she may be faking you out. Stay alert, be prepared lest you end up in the Miami airport bathroom, throwing away your khaki pants and cursing the day you trusted her and miss the chance to have your picture taken with Alice Cooper at the rental car counter... umm, that may have happened to someone I know.

new diva on the blog said...

Good for you! Hope she doesn't turn on you now that you think you have beaten her into submission.

Madame Queen said...

Could you write a stern letter to my thighs? 'Cause they are out of control!

Mary Alice said...

I am with the Drawer Queen...watch your back...Aunt Flo is a passive aggressive be-otch...she may be plotting something.