Darling Fi

Once upon a time in a land far away lived two beautiful Princesses and the Evil Queen. More than anything in the world, the Princesses wanted a puppy. They would feed it, and brush it, and walk it and teach it tricks. If they got this puppy they would never.ever.ever ask for anything else again. But the Evil Queen said “No”. For the Evil Queen knew that the Princesses were lying. The Evil Queen would end up, walking, feeding, brushing, and training the puppy and have to pick up dog shit poo too!.. And she wisely said "Oh, hell no" “No, thank you”.

But as beautiful Princesses are wont to do they wore the Evil Queen down. So in her infinite wisdom the Evil Queen did some research. And lo she found a breed of dog that was clever, did not shed, and was small enough that the giant piles of dog shit poo would be manageable. So the Evil Queen set forth a decree: If the Princesses were to get a puppy it would be a Cairn Terrier.

And so it came to pass that a conniving bitch dog breeder had a mommy cairn terrier that had a litter of five puppies; three boys and two girls. The royal family traveled a great distance to see the new puppies, and on the long journey it was decided that the puppy they chose would be a girl. And there was Joy. And lo the puppies were cute, darling, precious to behold. The two girl puppies were inspected carefully. One sister was quiet, shy, a bit withdrawn. One sister was lively, animated, a bit of a spit fire. Both were cute beyond reason; the decision rested with the Queen. In her infinite wisdom enormous stupidity the Queen decreed that the lively sister should return with them to the palace forthwith.

Fiona the Brave, Protector of the Realm was indeed lively, animated and a bit of a spit fire. And as the Queen had predicted she did indeed end up with the care, feeding and training of the dog. And it sucketh mightily. For the puppy had an attitude; the stupid damn dog Fiona thought she was in charge. And so it came to pass that the Queen realized they did not live with a cairn terrier, but a cairn terrorist. And a shadow covered the earth.

And lo these many years later the Queen is still heard to mutter under her breath from time to time “Why? Why didn’t I pick the QUIET sister? Why?”

The End