Friday, June 13, 2008

I wish they'd quit checking out my breasts

Prompted by this post at The More The Messier I decided to share a little bra story of my own. I am a respectable 36B. But the rest of my family? Holy shit people! In fact, Sib #2 had a breast REDUCTION surgery several years ago. (She inquired, on my behalf, about a donor program; alas it is not possible.)

Long before Sib # 2 had her surgical procedure she was popping out children. Her oldest was born a few months before Precious Youngest. At the time Sib # 2 lived about three hours from me, and I went to visit her shortly before she had her baby.

Sib # 2 is not known for her organizational skills AND she has a tendency to put things off. While I was there I spent a lot of time helping her get the baby’s room finished and running errands for her because I was huge, but she was huger.

She asked me to go to some specialty lingerie store to pick up nursing bras that she had ordered. I didn’t know such a store even existed, but I guess if you’re well endowed you don’t just roll into Victoria’s Secret and shop off the rack.

I walk into the store (remember, visibly pregnant) and there are two stern looking ladies behind the counter with eye glasses on chains and tape measures hanging around their necks. I tell them I’m there to pick up an order for insertsistersnamehere . They look skeptical, but one of them goes into the back and comes out with two of the most ginormous braziers I’ve ever seen IN MY LIFE.

So they’re looking from me, to the bras, and back to me and one of the woman croaks out “Honey, these are 42 Gs*!” I nod and say yes, here’s a credit card. Not to be dissuaded she goes on, “Well sweetie, I don’t know what you’ve been reading, but you’ll be lucky to pray your way to a C cup when you’re nursing!” After assuring them that I was in fact picking this up for SOMEONE ELSE, they let me pay a slink away in shame.

Now let me tell you, those braziers were architectural wonders. SIX HOOKS in the back, SIX! I could fit my entire head in one cup! Not like a hat mind you; covering my entire HEAD. And don’t look at me that way; if you were me you’d have tried it too!

Over at Suburban Correspondent’s place she’s hoping to break her record 45 comments. Me? I'm going to try praying my way to a C cup.

(Ahem, Editors Note *: Cup size? Goes thusly: D, DD or E, DDD of F, then G. Holy shit.)


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Hey! I don't see a comment from you! Get back over there and help a gal out!

And, your poor sister...I feel for her. My 4 rows of hooks are driving me crazy this summer.

Mary Alice said...

6 rows of hooks huh? That's a healthy dose of ta-tas. I have a friend that wears a holy shit cup...she makes my double Ds look petite.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm glad she got the reduction--that sounds like a backache for sure!

Mom101 said...

As a former F cup nurser, I can nearly sympathize with your sister. What's awesome though is the comment "I don't know what you've been reading..." because with all the crap advice out there, in all likelihood there is someone who will assure you that your boobs will grow 18 sizes.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Hot damn. I could technically still wear my training bra from 6th grade. But that poor woman's back...

Sarah O. said...

Somehow I went from a 36B to 38 D. Two hooks to four hooks. OK, I gained a few pounds but now that I've lost most of them, I'm still at my giant bra size. What's up with that?

Oh yeah, and my mother was hugely buxom. She got her bras at a custom corsetier. I am not making this up. I was horrified that I'd be gigantic like her.

BTW, a D cup is about half the size the implant babes wear.

JoeinVegas said...

Seeing all of the enhanced girls wandering around here in Vegas (at least I assume someone that skinny yet that big has to be enhanced) I would have to say I much rather go for the B's myself. It must be something on the back to carry all that around every day.

new diva said...

Oh My! You are always good for a laugh and you did not disappoint today my friend! How's that C cup working out for you?