During varied leadership training courses in my professional and volunteer careers, I have taken a gazillion personality profile tests. They rarely change. I’m an ESTJ in "Myers-Briggs", Orange in "True Colors", D in "DISC" and High Red (though drifting Green with age and experience) in "Birkman". If you are familiar with these types of tests and designations, ummm....yes, I tend to fall somewhere between bitch and bossy.
When my children were young I bought a book called Nurture By Naturewhich helped you to assess you children’s personality (based on the Myers-Briggs model) . Truth be told I found it helpful as it gave some good advice on how to deal with different temperaments as you kids moved form toddler,to pre-schooler, to grade-schooler, to young adolescent.
Precious Oldest is an ESTJ. No ifs, ands or buts about it. There is nothing of her father in that child. This made for some awesome fireworks in those fab years between 15 and 18; she knew exactly how to push my buttons and did so with fair frequency. In fact; that I am not snatched bald-headed and she is still alive is a testament to my restraint and self control.
However, like me, the blow ups may be huge but they are short lived. The occasional rebellion was spectacular, but over as soon as the consequences outweighed the action. In the last sixty days? She has apologized to me THREE times for having been “a bad teenager”. We have moved past those years to what I believe will be a truly wonderful adult relationship.
What I’m grappling with now is my Precious Youngest. I just don’t understand her. I look at her and wonder how she came to be. She is the only introvert in the family. She warms slowly and has difficulty trying anything new. Something attempted and not perfected? Good luck getting her to try again. TRUST is huge. Once gained? Loyal to the end. Lost? You will NEVER gain it back. (If fact that is one of the only characteristics she shares with me and Precious Oldest.)
I have been struggling with her these past weeks. Now forced into the spotlight of Precious ONLY, it is not a pretty picture for Precious Youngest or for me. Her rebellion is quiet, almost invisible. And it looks like it will last a LONG time. Her silence hurts my feelings even though I know she does not intend to hurt me. High School is hard people! I want to help her, but I seem to be making things worse. The things that worked with Precious Oldest are not working for her.
If there are any ISFJ’s out there who remember their teenage years? HELP!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
So, I take it you're the forgiving kind? I'm not sure I can ever get to like my teenage daughter again, she's been so mean and hates me so much. How do you trust them again?
Forgiving? HeeHee. I don't just nurse my grudges, I feed them three meals a day and make sure they get plenty of exercise.
This is so sweet...as you're also describing my two boys!
Are there no middle grounds in the teen years?
I seem to be an INFJ. As a former psych major, this is interesting to me because I remember taking this test a long time ago, and I used to be an E, not an I. Does your personality change over time? I suppose it can, but I wouldn't have thought so. I think the other three letters are still the same. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for dealing with your daughter's moods, as I try to block out my teenage years. If I come up with something for teenage-girl moodiness, I'll let you know. Better yet, you can read about me in the paper, because I'll be rich. :)
Post a Comment