Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Where were you at 2 AM?

I am moping about today people. The Christmas spirit I had gamely mustered and tried to keep alive? Is gone. I'm tired. Our power went off and on, and off and on, and finally just off in the middle of the night. So I had the distinct pleasure of lying in the dark thinking black thoughts.

My SIL is back in the hospital trying to keep her twin boys in her uterus WHERE THEY BELONG RIGHT NOW!. She's only twenty seven weeks along and the doctors don't think either baby weighs over two pounds. My poor brother is in his last year of law school and is trying to study for finals. He sounded so stressed last night. All I can do is pray, but it doesn't seem like enough.

Precious Oldest is home and after the first twenty four hours? The bloom was most definitely off the rose. I was so looking forward to her being home. And to meeting some of her college friends. Now I'm walking on egg shells. Disdain. Everything I do, everything I say, is met with disdain. And yes, I'm quite certain that it does BLOW to come home to a PARENT, with EXPECTATIONS, after months of FREEDOM. But you know what? The attitude hurts all the same. Being wrong all the time is sucking the joy out of me.

I think I'll stop by church on my way home and light a candle. Maybe two.


drawer queen said...

I have experienced the bloom off the rose thing, and it sucks a big one. After waiting and anticipating the return home (and making up her bed with fresh sheets and cooking her favorite things and even scrubbing the bathroom)...disdain is the perfect word for it. I have shed too many tears over the way my oldest has been when she is home...and still am often am sad and sorely disappointed but have decided (after three years)that I must adjust my expectations. My Christmas spirit fled the country about the same time my oldest left for school and has been absent since. (it doesn't help working even part part time in retail). The time spent with everyone at home is stressful, angst ridden and bitchy with brief moments of love, laughing and happiness. I hope the next phase in life will find her more agreeable, appreciative and interested in talking to me again. For you I hope for strong memories of the happy, loving parts of what will prove to be a VERY long break!

Best thoughts and wishes to your SIL. I will say a prayer for her.

And I really hope your power is back on...wow. I really could not deal with that along with everything else.

suburbancorrespondent said...

You women are not being very reassuring to me, you know. Here I am with a 14-year-old girl that makes Dementors look friendly and cheerful, and you're talking about 20-year-olds sucking the joy out of things? At this rate, by the time mine is 20, there will be no joy left to suck.

Anonymous said...

I have had those same feelings over the years when my daughter came home from college. There are still times when she is home that I am left feeling like I am clueless on things. I have learned to step back some and not mother too much. She arrived home yesterday from her job as a soldier, with her fiance, for a five day visit. She is 26 now and has two tours in Iraq under her belt and leads a platoon of 70 soldiers so I guess she does not need me to tell her what to do anymore but it sure is hard to break that habit. I do smile and relish the times she calls me from somewhere in the world and asks for my advice on something. Somehwhere in there is my "little girl".

Mary Alice said...

I am sorry. Transitions are so hard. Church sounds good. Light one for us too...just had word that my husband's Uncle passed on this morning. I already wasn't feeling in the Christmas spirit and that solidified it.

The Hotfessional said...

Aw, Fannie, I'll light one for you too. It may not be in a church, but it'll be full of good thoughts.

Shelley said...

Thinking good thoughts for your SIL and her twins.

I haven't yet had the experience of college-age kids coming back home, since the oldest is only 15, but I do remember being home from college for a month after the first semester of my freshman year. After having so much freedom, being on your own...well, it's just awkward for everyone.

I hope everyone gets settled in and you have a wonderful Christmas.