Wednesday, July 16, 2008

An open letter to the new stylist

Dear Tiffanie,

I'm sure trying to keep up with over-flow clientele while Heather is on maternity leave sucketh mightily. But I feel I need to give you a few pointers that might help you sustain your chosen career path.

I was pleased that you made eye contact and offered a firm handshake when you introduced yourself; I was NOT pleased that I did, in fact, recognize you. Because eighteen months ago you were shampooing my hair! Because you've only been a stylist for a year! Holy crap, maybe I should have said something right then and there. But I didn't, so let's move on.

The failure to offer me a glass of wine was a grave error. I'll over look it only because, as a rookie, perhaps you're not yet able to distinguish which clients have absolutely no problem drinking alone at 4:15 on a Wednesday afternoon. Here's a little hint. THEY LOOK A LOT LIKE ME!

The real problem is that you failed to offer me a beverage of any kind. Not even WATER. It's JULY. I was swathed in a SMOCK and a CAPE! In a room filled with small appliances that produce HEAT! I realize this was a hair appointment and not a Mensa meeting but for the love of .....

Please refrain from asking if I'd like to start with deep conditioning for my "dry ends". My "dry ends" are why I come in here every six weeks. Why would I deep condition something that will soon be snipped and strewn on the floor of the salon?

Also? I have no desire to establish a relationship with you. God willing Heather will be back in September and you will be a distant memory. I'm happy to make idle chit chat while you snip my "dry ends". However, I do not want to bond with you over the roar of thew blow dryer. Period.

The upside is that you did a decent job. And for HALF of what I usually get charged. *Note: ask Heather, WTF!* So I'll refrain from bad mouthing you all over town and simply ask that you take what I've said here today under advisement.

Best, Fannie

P.S. BTW? My hair is not fucking LIMP; it's FINE. kthnxbai.


Shelley said...

Does she really spell "Tiffanie" with the ie at the end? Honestly, I don't know what some people think when they name kids. Like my mom. I always have to tell people, "No, it's E-Y."

No wine? Blasphemy.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Too funny. My stylists have never been Rhodes scholars either.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I, too, suffer from the fine hair. It requires an artist of singular skill. Thankfully, he's a man--I see no maternity leave in his future!

Madame Queen said...

You are inducing panic attacks in me at the thought of having to find a new stylist, even if only temporarily. Half price might help, though.

Fannie Mae said...

Shelley - Heh, no I changed the names. But what is it witht he weird spellings?

Melissa - *sigh*

Jenn - That's what I need, a MALE stylist!

Madame Queen - It'll be OK, promise.

Sarah O. said...

WINE?! Whoa, I'm finding me a new salon!

I got a pedicure last week by a woman who didn't speak English (not that there's anything wrong with that except that trying to get her to understand what I wanted, well, didn't happen).

The real problem is, after my pedicure, I saw her license and discovered that she'd been licensed for ONE MONTH. And yes, I already need a new pedicure.