Radio Silence

Since my last post:

• Audit at work – stress and madness ensue
  
• Vacation – lovely blur because
  
• FIL fell while we were gone sustaining grave injury
  
• IT conversion at work – stress and madness ensue
  
• FIL not progressing, bring in hospice
  
• Struggle to continue on with major fundraising event
  
• Funeral
  
• Put on huge fundraising event
  
• Spend time with Precious Oldest, home for spring break
  
• Spend time with Precious Youngest, home for spring break
  
• Shake fists at the heavens that their spring breaks were different weeks
  
• Go to the doctor and find out stress has caused weight loss. Go figure
  
• Send out resume and get called for interview
  
• Then….Nothing
  
• Start lettuce and carrots, prune and feed roses, beef up perennials
  
• Begin kitchen facelift
  
• Find out that lack of running water/stove/refrigerator render me useless
  
• Realize I would have made a shitty pioneer
  
• Girls home for Easter
  
• Have 70th birthday party for my mother
  
• Get called f or a second interview
  
• Then…Nothing
  
• Get a call from Precious Oldest – SHE HAS A JOB!
  
• Praise sweet baby jesus that kitchen face lift is done save for painting the walls
  
• Realize day after day after day of dreary weather has stopped me from doing any further gardening. Will likely see first tomato around fucking Labor Day
  
• Start researching possibilities for new kitchen table and chairs
  
• The Saint informs me budget is blown
  
• I keep looking for furniture anyway

Oh people I could weep. It has been a ragged few months. I look at this pathetic list and notice a total lack of nuance yet my life is filled day to day with grace notes I can’t put into words. I don’t want to abandon this space. We shall see.

Living On The Edge

Do you ever find yourself doing something stupid, maybe even dangerous? That as you're doing it you're thinking

“Gee, I really should stand on something stable/put on work
gloves/make sure the electricity is off/put on some safety goggles!”

BUT YOU DON’T?

Last night I decided to tackle the weird mold spots that appear on the bathroom ceiling over our tub/shower. (Please tell me this happens to you too – PLEASE?) I did put on rubber gloves before I grabbed the bleach. I did get my kitchen stool and take it in to the bathroom. I did have a bucket of water at the ready to rinse my cleaning rag. My intentions were good. But…

I’m short, so reaching the ceiling from the stool wasn’t really working. So I started wiping the ceiling with bleach and water from the safety of the ledge of the tub. And as I’m peering up at the ceiling and realizing it is dripping I thought “Huh, I probably should have on some sort of eye protection…” Did I get down for the tub ledge? No I did not. Did I find protective eye wear? No I did not.

Did you know bleach really, really stings if it drips in your eyes? Well it does. It really, really does.

But you could eat off my bathroom ceiling. I’m just sayin’.

This and That

Things I've been doing

• Dragging my ass into the office
• Two college visits with football tailgate parties
• A Texas Hold Em’ poker tournament
• Some clothes shopping
• Put out the Halloween/Fall decorations
• Routine physical, mammogram and lady bit check up
• Pulling spent basil and annuals after the first freeze.

Things I'm working on today

• Dragging my ass into the office
• Switching out my seasonal wardrobe
• Stamping my feet at the rapidly waning evening light
• Making potato leek soup.
• Obsessing about a dress I had ordered that should have arrived but has not

Things I need to do

• Go to a wedding in Chicago
• Finish clearing out and preparing gardens for winter
• Determine exactly how to host Thanksgiving for twenty +
• Baby proof the house for when my nephews visit at Thanksgiving
• Keep dragging my ass into the office

Anyone notice writing over here didn't make ANY of the lists? Sheesh.

Beefs, grievances, gripes, grumbles

I have a host of complaints. A litany, if you will, of things that are royally pissing me off and/or just plain bringing me down. If you fell like wallowing with me, read on.



If not then I advise you to turn back before it’s too late.

• Precious Oldest called to tell me she is SICK, SICK, SICK, but does not think it is swine flu even though swine flu is running rampant in her dorm.
• Precious Youngest called to tell me she thinks she flunked her first biology test. She hopes the professor grades on a curve.
• I rubbed a blister on my left foot tramping all over hell and back at Parents Weekend with Precious Youngest. Every single pair of shoes I own rubs it and it will not stop oozing.
• I hurt my right foot in a little water skiing incident over a month ago. The pain in the ball of that foot is giving me serious concern.
• Can one LIMP if one is mincing about on BOTH feet?
• The first job I interviewed for? Has re-posted the position as NONE of the candidates they called in were acceptable.
• The second job I interviewed for? Has not called me back for a second interview; this does not bode well.
• The Saint has been traveling and I’ve been eating like shit because I need to go to the grocery store. But who the hell wants to go to the grocery store IF THEY CAN’T WALK?
• My pants are tight.
• The Terrorist is not acting right. If that fucker dies when everyone else is away there is going to be a whole lot of blame headed my way.

OK. Someone show me the bright side of this shit before I lose my MIND!

Thank God for Google

I’m not sure where my brain is these days. We’re going to a Rod Stewart concert tonight and the only song of his I could come up with was “Maggie May”. Now I’m older than dirt and Rod Stewart is older than me, so I was certain I’d heard a song or two of his back in the day. Still, “Maggie May” was IT, all I could think of.

I had to Google “Rod Stewart Songs”. Oh for the love of…..”Sailing”! “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy”! “Young Turks”! “Some Guys have All The Luck”! “Have I Told You Lately”! I think “You’re In My Heart” might have been the damn theme to my freaking Senior Prom!

Bejesus getting old sucks. I wonder how Rod is holding up.

Static

For the past couple of months the same scene has played itself out nearly every morning at 7:30 AM. Precious Oldest gathers her things to leave for school. I am generally in my bathroom getting ready for work.

Precious Youngest: “Bye mom, love you.”

Fannie: “Bye Sweetie, love you too, have a good day.”

Precious Youngest kisses me goodbye and

Fannie: “GAH, YOU SHOCKED ME!”

Precious Youngest: “GAH, YOU SHOCKED ME!”

It takes us by surprise every time.

Now for some good news

Look, while I realize no one stops by here expecting



These










farting these








even I recognize when I'm being more "Glass Half Empty" than usual.







So in no particular order:

• It's Friday!
• My brother passed the New York and New Jersey bars exams!
• This morning I submitted the final abstract, budget and report for a big ass grant we got last year!
• The Saint has been out of town and yet nothing/no one broke down, threw up or caught on fire!

It's the small victories people, the small victories. I'm just sayin'.

Is it just me?

Or do other people hide their bra and panties under their clothes during the gyno visit? Seriously, think about it. I'm lying on a sheet of tissue paper, wearing a gown made out of my grandmothers old apron, with some guy about to get all up in my business - and I HIDE my bra and panties? What, he's going to see something he SHOULDN'T? Sheesh.

So I had my fun appointments today. I kind of like my doctor. He's the department chair, so he knows what he's doing. Everyone is very nice to me because I'm his patient and he doesn't have that many. AND they're very considerate of his schedule so there's no ridiculous waiting around, in and out in thirty minutes.

Did you catch that? Department Chair? Um, yeah, at a teaching hospital. So the DOWNSIDE is he sometimes brings STUDENTS. Today I had THREE breast exams! For the price of ONE! And had my cervix described in great detail! By THREE people! Fortunately, only Dr. C palpated my uterus and ovaries. So let's give a little thanks for small blessings.

Then on to the mammogram. Because three breast exams in one day are simply not enough. Just me and Barb this time, thank the sweet baby jesus. She kept assuring me "we" were doing just GREAT! I haven't been felt up that much since high school.

For this I took off half a day of work? If I'd planned ahead maybe I could have squeezed in a dental appointment too.

The Pope and the HTS

One of my bleeps who hasn't flown in a while was asking advice about what to wear on the plane. Naturally I had many opinions to share with her. My general thoughts are these:

• Wear comfortable layers*. The temperature on planes vary widely. A cardigan sweater can come in handy even in the middle of July. (*This doesn't mean "feel free to dress like a slob". No need to wear sweatpants with the word "Juicy" on your ass and your beloved sorority t-shirt that may, or may not, still fit. )
  
• For the love of god wear shoes you can slip on and off without laces, buckles, etc. I don't care how much you work out; when you bend over to untie/unbuckle them? It will not be a pretty sight.
  
• Wear SOCKS! You WILL have to take your shoes off and you do NOT want to be walking through security in bare feet.
  
• PLEASE leave your enormous watch, belt buckle, chunky silver necklace at home. They will set off the metal detector and I will feel like beating you with them when you have to stop and remove them.

My rules, however, kind of fly out the window on international flights. If I'm spending ten plus hours on a flight? Dashing through multiple airports? And trying to get some sleep in uncomfortable surroundings? I'm wearing the track suit people!

Several years ago we took a trip to Ireland with the Precious Daughters. Who were MORTIFIED that their mother was wearing a track suit on the plane. They dubbed it the HTS (Hideous Track Suit) and took great glee in poking fun at me and my "old lady" need for comfort over style.

About a year later the Saint and I went to Italy. Against their protestations; I once again wore the HTS. You do see where this is going don't you? The plane landed late, we arrived at our accommodations (a convent BTW, by show of hands who wants to hear THAT story?) with only enough time to dump our luggage in the lobby before LITERALLY RUNNING down the hill to the Vatican to meet the Pope.

So let this be a cautionary tale. Comfort is all well and good but remember; what you wear on the plane MIGHT end up being what you wear to meet the Queen of England. Or the Pope.