Monday, April 5, 2010

Delayed Grief

Yesterday afternoon found me submerged in a bath with a glass of champagne; an unfinished bottle resting on the floor near the tub. And I had myself a nice, long, sobby, chest heaving, snotty, sniffling cry.

We’d enjoyed a nice Easter with my parents, my sister and her children. Precious Youngest, home for the past week for her spring break, packed up her car and drove back to college. And I found myself overwhelmed with a single thought: Our house is not “home” for our daughters any more. Not really. They call it “home”, but they are visitors when they come. Think about that for a minute.

I don’t think it is any secret that I adore my children. They are my life’s work. Thinking about who they are and what they’re doing with their lives makes me misty. They are doing all of the things I trained them to do, taught them to do, encouraged them to do. What in the name of all that is holy was I thinking? If you raise responsible adults they LEAVE!

I cried harder and longer yesterday than when I dropped either of them off at college the first time. I can only assume delayed grief to be the culprit. That it has taken me this long to come to terms with reality.

Reality? Bites. Big time.

8 comments:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh, I'm sad for you. That must be rough. Your girls are lucky to have such a loving mom.

Jen on the Edge said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. :-(

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I know that day will come--I just have a couple of more years.

I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard.

Cindy said...

sounds like delayed grief to me. I'm not looking forward to the day my daughter leaves home. But the next stage is... marriage and grandkids! Whenever that happens, they'll need you again.

ree said...

I get this. I really do. {{hugs}}

Holly (me.) said...

Having done your life's work well, it's only reasonable to mourn the transition. Yay, you! And thanks for raising the hope that my offspring will one day be grown-ups, and the reminder that these days are treasures.

Daisy said...

Good news Fannie. If you're anything like my mother, your children move back home just when you don't want them to.

I empathize with your sadness, though.

Shelley said...

I read this post on the day you wrote it, and I didn't know what to say. I can feel your grief, I really can. Even though I'm not really there yet.

It doesn't seem fair. You did your job so well, that you have two independent, capable young women out there in the world, quite able to fend for themselves. Had you not done as well, they might still be living with you. It's not right, is it?

I hope you are feeling better today. And just know that your girls love you so much, I have a feeling they'll never be too far away.