Bittersweet

Taking my kids for their first day of school was always bittersweet. Supplies were bought, uniforms were unearthed, forms (OMG the forms!) were filled out. Year after year we organized and prepared. Then the class lists were posted just days before the start of school! Good teacher or bad? Best friends in your class or not? Even as they grew older there was always excitement and anticipation before the start of a new year. But I was never quite prepared. As I walked away from their classrooms my throat would tighten, my eyes would well and out would come the Kleenex.

Don’t get me wrong, after a summer of driving to hell and back sixteen times a day, bickering, nagging, boredom leisure, I welcomed the return to the routine of the school year. (The same routine which I abandoned with unadulterated joy every spring!) But even the high school years leave me feeling a tiny bit empty. My heart hurts a little knowing these children of mine are that much closer to leaving me.

And then it was upon me. We took Precious Oldest to college on Saturday. My beautiful girl. My first. She’s ready. So confident and sure of herself in ways I never was. She needs this experience, this slow moving away. And though she’ll be back, I know in my heart something fundamental has shifted. And I miss her.