A walk on the wild side

Some people simply do not know how to have a good time. They can’t figure out how to maximize opportunities in their day to day lives to their advantage. I, on the other hand, live a life of self-indulgence. Let’s face it folks; its all about me and I LIKE it that way.

Take last evening for example. The Saint was out of town; Precious Youngest was at work. I had the house to myself. Hours stretched before me, aching with possibility. So first I did this:

Yeah, I know right? Good times. See here’s the thing: I pay a fair sum to have me hair cut styled every six weeks. But I just can’t bring myself to go all out and pay for the professional color. I mean we’re talking a gazillion dollars and two hours of my time I can never get back. At the same time I’m not remotely ready to face the indignity of gray hairs. Shallow? Perhaps. But THAT I can live with.

With that little project out of the way I moved on to:

Get your dirty minds out of Brazil people! Despite the fact that a woman’s crotch is displayed on the box, I use this particular product to take care of my mustache. Now my mustache is blond, but as I’ve started decaying gotten older it has developed an unappealing Fu Man Chu quality. I used to go to a nice Korean lady who for $10 bucks and a tip would rip it out in 30 seconds flat. But in the last few years my visits had become oh, let’s just say sporadic. Last summer I was sitting at the pool with this bitch I know a friend of mine and I must have been sweating glistening in a particularly appealing way. I surmised this because the bitch friend flat out asked me if I had considered waxing. When I explained that I DID in fact wax, but hadn’t had time to make an appointment for a while, she turned me on to the joys of at home waxing. And I’m here to tell you people; very effective.

So the next time an evening of endless anticipation stretches out before you. And you find yourself at loose ends. Give me a call. Because I? Know how to walk on the wild side.